Author Topic: Let's talk about video game villains.  (Read 2596 times)

Offline Agastya

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Let's talk about video game villains.
« on: May 10, 2008, 05:40:08 AM »
I think it is pretty clear that the baddest video game villain ever is the Yeti in the Windows 3.1 game, Ski Free. I'm sure other people are going to write in with suggestions of various sissy villains who have eyes bulging three inches out of their sockets, shoot azure beams from their finger tips, and have ten thousand hit points, but as far as I'm concerned, Ski Free's Yeti would chew off their faces and pop their eyeballs between his teeth as if they were juicy olives. The Yeti in Ski Free is the most undiluted form of pure evil ever incarnated in pixelized form.

For those who do not know this game, Ski Free is an enchanting Windows game where you ski down a seemingly infinite ski course, attempting to jump over ski jumps, hit sledders and those bastard snow-boarders. A lot of time is spent colliding with trees which burst into flame as you hit them and running over small, rat-sized dogs which like to befoul the pure white snow with their own excrement. If you have Windows, you probably have this game floating around somewhere. It is relatively simple fare, and it seems a far cry that a game about tree slaloming and freestyle ski-ing could possibly have video game's most loathed villain.

However, after playing the game for about 3 minutes or so, out of the woods comes bounding a horrifying, pixelized beast, whose very eyes exude such profound hatred, such utter abomination, that the Seraphs above weep to look upon him. He looks like a snow man made out of black, befouled slush, and he sprints around on two tiny legs which seem incapable of holding his weight. Instead of breaking his own legs, however, as soon as he sees you, he bounds out at a speed of something along the lines of 200 mph. If he catches your skier, there is no reprieve... he unhinges his jaw, stuffs you down his throat hole, smacks his sharp, yellowed teeh, and then monstrously chortles and gloats over his accomplishment while jumping up and down. He is unstoppable. It is almost impossible to outrun him... with each leg span he bounds across half the screen, picks you up in his monstrous talons, and gobbles you down, after whiles picking his teeth with your ski pole. He swallows you whole as if you are a delightful, warm and gooey oyster to be slowly dissolved alive in his voluminous, foul belly. This yeti's very appearance, in its cartoony horror, bespeaks a monstrosity so far removed from the sight of God that Satan plays hand maiden to him.

Sure, there are other villains in video games, some of them formidable... but they can all be beaten. Ski Free's yeti, this abominable snowman, however, is monstrosity unbounded. He has no special powers, he has no moves or magic nor even any hit-points, but he is unbeatable and always hungry for your blood. Fear the Yeti.

Offline General Guy

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2008, 08:37:17 AM »
Villian that beats the Yeti: [spoilers:2onn5xb9]Who would have guessed[/spoilers:2onn5xb9][spoilers:2onn5xb9]It's non other[/spoilers:2onn5xb9][spoilers:2onn5xb9]Than[/spoilers:2onn5xb9][youtube:2onn5xb9]Flashman[/youtube:2onn5xb9]
Requiescat in pace Florian Hufsky.

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Offline lgb

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2008, 11:39:50 AM »
Quote from: "LKA.exe"
I think it is pretty clear that the baddest video game villain ever is the Yeti in the Windows 3.1 game, Ski Free. I'm sure other people are going to write in with suggestions of various sissy villains who have eyes bulging three inches out of their sockets, shoot azure beams from their finger tips, and have ten thousand hit points, but as far as I'm concerned, Ski Free's Yeti would chew off their faces and pop their eyeballs between his teeth as if they were juicy olives. The Yeti in Ski Free is the most undiluted form of pure evil ever incarnated in pixelized form.

For those who do not know this game, Ski Free is an enchanting Windows game where you ski down a seemingly infinite ski course, attempting to jump over ski jumps, hit sledders and those ******* snow-boarders. A lot of time is spent colliding with trees which burst into flame as you hit them and running over small, rat-sized dogs which like to befoul the pure white snow with their own excrement. If you have Windows, you probably have this game floating around somewhere. It is relatively simple fare, and it seems a far cry that a game about tree slaloming and freestyle ski-ing could possibly have video game's most loathed villain.

However, after playing the game for about 3 minutes or so, out of the woods comes bounding a horrifying, pixelized beast, whose very eyes exude such profound hatred, such utter abomination, that the Seraphs above weep to look upon him. He looks like a snow man made out of black, befouled slush, and he sprints around on two tiny legs which seem incapable of holding his weight. Instead of breaking his own legs, however, as soon as he sees you, he bounds out at a speed of something along the lines of 200 mph. If he catches your skier, there is no reprieve... he unhinges his jaw, stuffs you down his throat hole, smacks his sharp, yellowed teeh, and then monstrously chortles and gloats over his accomplishment while jumping up and down. He is unstoppable. It is almost impossible to outrun him... with each leg span he bounds across half the screen, picks you up in his monstrous talons, and gobbles you down, after whiles picking his teeth with your ski pole. He swallows you whole as if you are a delightful, warm and gooey oyster to be slowly dissolved alive in his voluminous, foul belly. This yeti's very appearance, in its cartoony horror, bespeaks a monstrosity so far removed from the sight of God that Satan plays hand maiden to him.

Sure, there are other villains in video games, some of them formidable... but they can all be beaten. Ski Free's yeti, this abominable snowman, however, is monstrosity unbounded. He has no special powers, he has no moves or magic nor even any hit-points, but he is unbeatable and always hungry for your blood. Fear the Yeti.
Good Lord. I haven't played that game in years.
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Offline Psuedo

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2008, 01:58:47 PM »
Which one? The first one or the jerk that comes out of nowhere if you manage to avoid the first guy.

Offline Ultra_Mario

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2008, 03:49:07 PM »

Offline Yoshi Skier

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2008, 04:57:11 PM »
You know, you have a point. I don't know of any other villain that can send a shiver down your spine every time you see him in the game. Not even Sephiroth is that evil. After a while, I knew I could kick his butt, but you never stand a chance against the Yeti.
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Offline Turndawg107

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2008, 10:43:19 PM »
Quote from: "Yoshi Skier"
You know, you have a point. I don't know of any other villain that can send a shiver down your spine every time you see him in the game. Not even Sephiroth is that evil. After a while, I knew I could kick his butt, but you never stand a chance against the Yeti.
Sephiroth is weak sauce as a FF villain and you KNOW it.

Offline Yoshi Skier

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2008, 10:47:25 PM »
Quote from: "Minogame"
Sephiroth is weak sauce as a FF villain and you KNOW it.
Lol I refuse to get in another FF fight with you again. You won't provoke me; it's an issue that neither of us will ever budge on. And in case you didn't notice GGuy, your Flashman video isn't showing up for some reason.
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Offline Tanuki

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2008, 11:04:04 PM »
..CAN'T BEAT AIR MAN

Offline Chaos

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2008, 11:10:00 AM »
In before Flashman.

Offline Outrage

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2008, 11:40:47 AM »
Quote from: "Chaos"
In before Flashman.

Offline Smash and Crash.1

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #11 on: May 11, 2008, 02:34:00 PM »
This post does not exist. Move along.

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Offline KingPepe

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2008, 02:39:01 PM »
Quote from: "Smash and Crash.1"
Quote from: "Tanuki"
..CAN'T BEAT AIR MAN
Make that Crash Man or Metaknight and then that statement is true.
Just like Dude said...
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Fail less.

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Times today are just as bad what with the video game market being made up of 80% first person shooters that are 80% brown and 20% black and 100% bloom.

Offline Psuedo

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2008, 06:58:40 PM »
Quote from: "Smash and Crash.1"
Quote from: "Tanuki"
..CAN'T BEAT AIR MAN
Make that Crash Man or Metaknight and then that statement is true.
This post is not worthy of existing.

Offline Agastya

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Re: Let's talk about video game villains.
« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2008, 09:37:01 PM »
Quote from: "Alex"

NO ALEX NO

IT'S TOO MUCH POWER